Before and After

Let’s travel back to when I was seventeen and in love for the first time...

Reader, he was The One, that perfect guy who would make me A-OK forever.*

One day he brought, in his lunch, a salt shaker from home. He’d tucked little piece of Saran Wrap under the lid to keep salt from spilling; to use it he unscrewed the lid, removed the Saran Wrap, salted his food, then replaced lid and Wrap. I lit into him: “Saran Wrap on a salt shaker?! That is the most prissy thing I’ve ever seen! Man, you are so uptight!”

It never occurred to me that it wasn’t exactly endearing to attack The One over the way he packs his salt. And why did I think Saran Wrap under a salt shaker was so heinous anyway?

I can only say it was all part of the codependent web: "My way is the right way and it’s my duty to get everyone else in the world doing likewise."

Now January 31, 2010: The “after” picture:

My husband JR and I are getting ready to check out of our hotel. I am trying to hurry us along because we need to take Aunt Thelma out to lunch and we’re running late. In the midst of packing his things, JR insists we stop and make the bed. Never mind that we were supposed to be at Aunt Thelma's by now, that Housekeeping is standing right outside our room and will un-make this bed minutes after we leave.

What does Poe do? I take a very deep breath and help him make the bed. It takes four seconds.

The result--JR leaves the room feeling happy. I'm proud of myself for not trying to fix him. Lesson learned: I’m not powerful enough to un-uptight anyone anyway.

And BTW, we get to Aunt Thelma’s in plenty of time.

*Incidentally the first boy I loved was also a charmingly cruel, sociopathic, lying alcoholic—just irresistible you know.