On the Road Again.

Off to the coast where JR will participate in a century bike tour.

While riding in the car, I read about developing a sense of awe in life, to see heaven in a wild flower and infinity in an hour.* I decided to look for the Divine in everything.

About that time we got in a traffic jam. You know how normally cars just rush by impersonally. Now I took the opportunity to look inside our fellow “stuck” cars. I noticed almost everyone had something hanging from their rear view mirror: A graduation tassel, a Mickey Mouse doll, rosary beads, a Jesus fish, a brightly colored card.

My Mistake.
I mentioned my observation to JR.
He came right back with, “I had something hanging from my rear view mirror yesterday.”
We’re not hang-stuff-from-our-mirrors types so I said, “Oh yeah, what?”
“A used condom.”

(His idea of a joke.) Now normally I would have been hurt and quickly fallen into shame: Oh I am unworthy, the Superior Male knows my topic of conversation was without value, I shouldn't have opened my piddly soul to him.
But this time I thought, “How insecure and anxious he must be. ” I reached out and lovingly rubbed his back a while. He looked most surprised. But I could feel him soften.

The end result, he felt better and I felt lots better, the direct result of following my...
...I was going to say “Spiritual Path,” but it’s more like a Spiritual Maze-Discontinuous Pavement- Under Construction-With Lots of Traffic Jams. And with lots of interesting cars to look inside.

“Crossing Brooklyn Ferry”
I too many and many a time crossed the river, the sun half an hour high;
I watched the Twelfth-month sea-gulls—I saw them high in the air, floating with motionless wings, oscillating their bodies,
I saw how the glistening yellow lit up parts of their bodies, and left the rest in strong shadow,
I saw the slow-wheeling circles, and the gradual edging towards the south.

Walt Whitman


*Everyday Holiness by Alan Morinis

Triumph! Triumph! Read All About It!

Last Monday:
My husband JR and I are driving home from a party. He’s had too much to drink and it seems to trigger his internal critic. (In fact, you’d think I’d said, “Honey, over the next 45 minutes see how many faults you can find in me.”) He doesn’t approve of the food I brought to the potluck or my plans for tomorrow. I’m driving too fast, I’m driving too slow, I should pass this car, I shouldn’t pass.

Our whole married life he’s been like this and I've always absorbed his every word, thinking, “I can't do anything right.”

But something is different this time. You see, I’ve been doing the "Good Enough" exercise I described in my previous entry.

I drive along, watching JR with calm detachment as if he’s portraying a mean teacher in a play. Nothing he says even touches my self-esteem because I know I'm a good, competent, industrious, careful, beautiful human being.

He continues to harangue me. I think, “This has absolutely nothing to do with me. And he really should get offstage."