“These Seats Are Saved," Part Two

November 1997: One of my favorite Al-Anon speakers, Father Tom W, is doing a Twelve-Step workshop in San Jose, a town I’ve never visited. Eager to hear him again, I do a most brave thing—drive up there by myself. I follow the map, everything goes fine.

Until I enter the church where the workshop is. I find myself in a huge room filled with dozens of large round tables. Several hundred strangers are taking their seats. I stare around the room. Panic. Junior High. How will I find a seat when I don’t know a soul?

But I have been in Program for seven years. So I pray, “God, show me where to sit.” Immediately I feel a Powerful Nudge toward one table. Only two people are sitting there, lots of empty seats. I go up and say, “Okay if I sit here?”

They respond, “NO! WE’RE SAVING THESE SEATS.” (In every organization there are always a few people who don’t “get it.”)

But I feel like I’d been slapped. I respond with a cheery “Oh, okay!” like getting shut out at an Al-Anon event is everybody’s favorite experience. I stumble to an empty table and drop into a chair, shaking with shame and humiliation. But mostly with anger. (“Hey, God, I thought you were my friend. Did I not ask you for a safe place to sit? Why did you direct me to that snake pit?)

People come up to my table. Of course I let anyone sit there who wants to. The whole time I am still thinking,: “Why Why Why? Does this just confirm what I’ve always known-- nobody likes me? Born human by mistake?”

Then I notice a late-comer, a young woman with a very familiar deer-in-the-headlights expression. She obviously doesn’t know a soul either. But by now all the tables are filled.

I call out, “Would you like to sit at our table? We’ll make room for you.” Relief lights up her face. We find an extra chair, everyone scoots over, and waitstaff brings another place setting. Suddenly I am not in a room full of strangers; the young woman and I become instant friends. (Now THAT’S the Al-Anon way)

Clever Reader, do you get my meaning: God is in how I respond—Will I succumb to shame and resentment or will I let Badness motivate me to do the opposite?

“If in the course of a day you run into somebody who doesn't like you, that happens sometimes. If in the course of the day you run into three or more people who don't like you, you’re the one who doesn't like you.”
Father Tom W, paraphrased