Saturday, September 19, 2009

A Fool of Myself


Terrible time this week. Took me two days to draw a stupid door; just couldn’t get it right.


Then I looked at the cover of the SCBWI* magazine and thought, “A real artist would do something like this, what’s wrong with me?”











Every time I open that magazine I feel like I’m back at Interlochen Arts Academy where everyone could write and illustrate circles around me.


I tell my friend Nance this.
Nance:If you didn’t routinely give yourself these negative messages, what would happen?”
Me: (Pause.) Good question. Oh! I know! I might go out and make a fool of myself.


You see, in my family you could murder a dozen people, blow up the Sherman Minton Bridge, cheat elderly widows, and it still would not compare with someone thinking you’re a fool.

My dad also had this notion that we kids were artistic geniuses, so he sent me and brother Steve to The Interlochen Arts Academy high school. Now Steve was a musical prodigy and did well there. Within two seconds of my arriving I could see my piddly cartoons that delighted folks at home were trash can fodder here. It was like trying to swim the English Channel, surrounded by four hundred kids in motor boats laughing all the way to Calais.

After that, I learned to hide my light under a great big fat bushel.

Then one day I said, “You know, Poe, you’ve always had a dream of writing a comic book. If you don’t do it now, you probably never will.”

Do you see the danger? I can feel Incompetent Fool forming already.

But even as I write that, I remember an incident from when I was seventeen, acting in my first play:

An older actor (Age 19; I thought he knew everything) told me, “If you’re going to act, you’ve got to be willing to make a fool of yourself.” (You can imagine my horror.)
But over time I learned that is the trick—If you’re gonna make a fool of yourself anyway, better do it on purpose.

(I wrote this on Friday; after which I had the following dream:)
I’m reading a comic book in which I’m once again attending Interlochen Arts Academy. But this time I’m older. I make friends effortlessly, even among the very kids who formerly wouldn’t give me the time of day. Reading the comic, I accidentally skip ahead and find that terrorists will show up in a few pages. But I quickly turn back to where I’m having a great time riding a double decker bus and roasting hot dogs over a campfire with all my creative genius friends.

*Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators

2 comments:

steb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
steb said...

Love your writing dear and I sure wish I could see more of your cartoons. Nice door BTW. Not sure about the musical prodigy part tho. Perhaps we should say a lot of partially realized talent. See ya soon, Luv.